I’m just going to simply title this Updates for now, probably an ongoing article series as I try to re-adjust back to life.
The last article I wrote yesterday was my thoughts on how I felt at the time – there’s been a few things that have happened since then.
The following morning, my Mom and I went to MetroPCS (my cell phone provider) and wanted to get a new cell phone. I told the lady there what had happened and she was shocked (the MetroPCS building is only a block away from where the incident took place).
Anyways, the lady called my cell phone – and guess what – the crooks that stole my cell phone picked up the phone! The lady tried to get information from them but was unsuccessful.
We called the police right after to see if they could trace the call, and we went through so many transfers (I think 6) before we got anywhere. The detective said to leave my old cell phone active for another 7-10 days to see if they can try and track it down. He also mentioned “Who knows – they could have sold the phone to someone else?” Whatever.
It really sucks that the police could not come down to trace the call. Apparently there needs to be a State Attorney and a filing of the court and all this other stuff, including a payment of $500. Augh.
So how I am feeling? Well, I’m having my highs and lows. Right now its 6:04 am in the morning as I type this (I went to sleep 5pm in the afternoon yesterday as I was very tired because I did not have much sleep the previous night). I’m feeling angry at myself for not trusting my gut – I felt something dark – like something bad was going to happen a few seconds before the incident occured. Maybe I should trust my gut more – I don’t know. Can’t be too paranoid.
I emailed PanZOu about what happened to me, but I don’t know if they will reply. I just hope justice will prevail and these crooks will get caught.
The biggest issue I have is the fear of black men now. The men who did this to me were black. Now whenever I’m walking in the street or in the store and I see a black man I’m pretty terrified. I’ll probably need some help in dealing with that issue.
It’s unfortunate that these things happen – it certainly is not helpful to me as I believe in equality – in order to get back to my peaceful happy self, I’ll probably have to get some help in that area.
As Yoda says (Star Wars): “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark Side” – so I better deal with it soon. I’ll be emailing my psych professor soon about this issue.
It’s more like a phobia I guess – very much like when I see a dog I’m initially scared because I saw my brother get attacked by a rottweiler dog when I was 8.
Apparently it would be classified as “Andromelanophobia” – fear of black men. Taken from The Phobia List.
Whatever it’s called, I just want to live life not being scared of things.